i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize