I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
