you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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