I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize