he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
