...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
