Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
