in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
