Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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