Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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