when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
