I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
