I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
40s are totally the cure
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
