I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
