My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
