she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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