Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
