Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
