Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
