my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize