porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
