Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize