i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
