omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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