I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
