Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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