I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
they're like a gay fantastic four
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
