can we get nightvision for the apartment?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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