1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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