We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
