i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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