did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
