I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
