Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
