Swine flu. Run for my life!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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