he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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