Your face is a jimmy john
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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