there was a trapeze. enough said
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
