Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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