im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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