He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
