How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
