Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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