She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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