It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize