I can tuck mytits in my pants
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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