do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
