i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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