Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
