I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
