Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
