I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize