I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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