I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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