i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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