my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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