lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
