Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize