your parents love me but you hate me
I just pynch a tree in the face
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
