great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
