Is it because I queefed?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
