I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
