it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
