took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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