Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize