I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
