I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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