I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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