Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
