He had one of those small greek statue penises
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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