Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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