I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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