But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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