grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
