If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
