Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
