yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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