We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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