Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
